i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
