We're like a lot better than the average bears
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize