I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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