All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
