I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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