Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The air was thick with penises
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
