how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
