I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
