Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
