Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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