I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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