Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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