i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
