I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
