Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
