yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
COCAINE IS GR8
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
