does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
