come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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