Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
