You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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