just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
