but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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