I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
