last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
sarcasm needs its own font
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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