Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
