my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
