you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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