Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
