how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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