she smelled like a LAN party
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
