best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
