i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
