dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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