yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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