she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
