I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
