Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
