happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
