her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
