At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In other news, I just burned my penis
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
