i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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