Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
