You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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