i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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