just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
