im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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