My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
