My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
