umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
