I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
